D021: The first hour of the day
I woke up 30 minutes before the alarm clock went off, but got up an hour after.
The first hour of the day was completely wasted on the phone, which is the worst way to spent it. Even looking at the ceiling for an hour would have been better.
After getting up and going through the flow of the usual morning rituals, I felt better. I avoided reading on my phone with the morning coffee and picked up a physical book instead, time slowed down for a few minutes. I went out to the garden and got some sunlight into my eyes before sitting in front of the screen.
The best I can do now is to stay away from my phone as much as possible. Mindlessly scrolling will keep me trapped in the loop of circular thinking and endless rumination; I can't afford to go down that road any more.
The plan was to start practising BJJ this month, but that will be postponed until I'm back from the Summer trip. Before that, I will focus on adjusting my diet, figuring out a sustainable stretching routine and restarting weight training—all that will help with the useless overthinking as well.
Regarding all the feelings stuck into my chest, I won't do anything—neither push them away or cling to them—trying anything now will make things even worse. What's truthful will remain, and the rest will fade away without any intervention on my side; there is no substitute for time.