Too much worrying

As if there was a right amount of worrying (not too much, not too little?). Fundamentally, worrying about something is useless. However, mentioning its uselessness is useless as well because under certain circumstances we can't stop being worried.

What are the root causes of worrying?

Being insecure might be one. I used to feel insecure all the time, since I was a little boy. I still remember (as a high-definition scene in a movie) the origin story for this nasty feeling, and it has never disappeared completely; I already accepted I have to deal with this the rest of my life.

During the last few months, I have experienced a sense of psychological stability (safety + security) completely foreign to me until then, and now is fading away. I feel really sad. That experience, which came to me as a thunder light, changed my world view. My mind changed, and many things in the physical world are changing as a consequence—my body, for instance.

Suddenly, I was transported to a universe where I felt I was able to accomplish everything. I felt surprisingly strong, it was wondrous. Then, that feeling is fading away as I experience a sort of psychological meltdown. I noticed something was going on given the reaction I had while doing prostrations the other day. It was quite unusual, it has been years since the last time it happened.

At the same time, I know I should not be sad about all this. In the end, dealing with my own issues made me who I am now, and I keep changing. Only that this time, I want to change intentionally.

Although some events from distant childhood look like a disgrace on the surface, they are a blessing. They forced me to take unimaginable journeys leading to fascinating places.

Maybe that's what I should do with my life, undertake new journeys, keep changing, keep moving forward, and never settle down.

From that perspective, feeling insecure won't be a problem because I will get rid of—or, at least, minimize—my need for safety and security. All the shit in the world could be thrown at me, and I will be just fine as long as I keep walking; all of it will be left behind.

#Life